You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
