she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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