i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
