Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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