How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
