i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
