I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
