I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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