You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
