so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
