A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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