I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
