Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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