So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
