Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So vagazzling was a success
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
