its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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