im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
