She's JV to your varsity
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
