Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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