Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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