i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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