I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
