Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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