ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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