I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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