There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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