If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
