Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
