OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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