I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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