part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
