Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
