We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
