i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
