Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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