Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
