Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
