Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
