She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
