.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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