he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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