They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
