instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
