dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
