Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
