Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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