it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
