Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
