I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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