i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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