i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
