i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
