My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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