i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
