covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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