the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
