My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
