All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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