people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
