I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
